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Je T'aime my Love...

Music is everywhere. I like all kinds of it. Reggae, rock, love, jazz, alternative, pop and so on. I am a music lover so to speak. Every different beat gives enthusiasm to my ear. It gives life to me. However, this song "Je T'aime" when I first heard it was different, unique and absolutely wonderful. It has full of emotions unbelievably intense.

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Expression of Love Through a Song...

Somebody must have told me this was a great song. At first, it never appeared perfect to me. I gave it another chance though. I listened intently and I never realized I have come to love it very much. Thank you for sharing your songs to me. 

A Wish for a Dream...

I wanna go home .. Let me go home...

A thanksgiving prayer

It's my 36th birthday today! I thank You Lord for everything You have given me: my life, my family, my friends, relatives, and even my enemies who in one way or another have touched my life in any way; for the food we have shared everyday, the water we drink, the air we breath, the shelter to keep us safe from the heat of the sun and rain. For everything we have and everything we are, I am so grateful to You Oh Lord! Lord I can do nothing without You. So I am giving my full trust unto You. May You continue to bless me and my family, may You shower us more abundant blessings,may You keep us safe, may You give us good health and may You live in the center of our family to keep us united, peaceful and harmonious. May You keep us away from temptation, away from sin. I also pray for the repose soul of my dear departed father, may You forgive his sins and bring him to his eternal rest. Lastly, I pray for world peace, world love, world hope, world safety! All these I give thanks and ask in Jesus name. Amen!

Still missing him!

I still miss my father every now and then. When I heard the siren of the ambulance that brought him to the hospital the day before he died, it brought tears in my eyes. The hurt is still fresh. I wish he is happy now in heaven. I love you Papa!

A Perfect Friend

I have traveled the world in my own simple ways for 35 years,yet never have the feeling so intense,so happy,so fulfilled..like having this one guy in my life! I have met Him long time ago. He had provided me everything even before I asked..I would never let Him go away from me..Because I couldn't imagine myself living without Him..True,friends do came and then they go..but there's one friend who never left my side amidst all my shortcomings and failures in life..He always gave me a chance to stand if I stumble and fall..He gave me courage to move on with life's ups and downs..Indeed, my life was like a roller coaster..I had been turned up side down..Yet,he was always there when I reached the ground..Funny..because the more I wanted to follow Him,the more trials I encountered..But then, I am very secure of His promise"I will never leave you nor forsake you". Just as I believed the song and poem that goes"during the hardest time of your life and you saw only one set of footprints in the sand,it was not that I left you,I was carrying you!''.

Someone's missing on my Valentines' day!

Christmas is a time of cheers. Every time it’s coming I feel like my heart leaps for happiness and joy. Maybe it’s because I have something to look forward to. Yes, I really think it’s the reason.

I was always excited every Christmas because we would have our get together party with my family for two days(that’s exclusively for my parents, my two sisters with their husbands and kids), in my parents home in Bukidnon.

One day a month more or less before Christmas last year, when I and my family went to a mall I was actually going to pay some toys and gifts for our get together party when I suddenly changed my mind and returned each one to their places. I didn’t know why I just felt it should not be the exact time to buy. Probably, it was an intuition. Because later, 8 days before Christmas. I had a very nice sleep that I woke up almost 7 am already. I went directly looking for my mobile phone as I usually do upon awakening after saying a little prayer. I got 12 miss calls and a lot of text messages. When I read on, it’s my sisters’ message that says I have to hurry up because my father was rushed to the hospital. He had a heart attack at 4am while hearing mass for the 2nd night of Mesa de Gallo. When I went to the hospital my father was more terrified than sick. He was still able to move all of his body parts. Although he hadn’t said a single word, because he had aphasia for more than 2 years ago since then resulting from a mild heart attack. I could sensed that he was not comfortable being hospitalized. In fact, he really got fear in injections and all hospital stuff. But he got no choice, as well as all of us; he should be confined in the hospital. If it’s just alright not to do it then we would, but we know it’s really difficult because it’s his second heart attack. Although he looked alright but we should really follow the doctors’ advice. One or two hours while he was in his hospital room already, he wrote a note that says” his heart is aching”. So the doctor right away ordered that he would be place in ICU for close monitoring. After a day, he was transferred back to his room because he was stable already. He could still eat well, laughed with us, and moved his whole body. Not until the night when he was already in his room, thinking everything was well I went home to get some things. He had a heart attacked again that night; the nurses didn’t even notice it. When I arrived in the morning, he could no longer move his left arms and legs. He got stroke. But he was kind of poking his head with his right hand. So I told the doctor right away that he might have a headache. So the doctor ordered a cranial CT scan. Never did we expect the result to have ¼ of his brain have blood clot already. It was so depressing and painful when the doctor told us that my father had only 4 days minimum to survive this stage and that a miracle from God would be the last recourse. What can you do with those 4 days? As a daughter, it made me realized that whatever failures and mistakes your father has done, when this time arrived. Everything would be forgotten, everything would be forgiven. Honestly, it was really painful. My father was not perfect. As a father, he was strict but I understood the reason for it. He just wanted the good and best for us. As a policeman, I knew from his colleagues and friends that he was a strong-willed man, very devoted to the service of the people though it was already known that he was a real coward of witches. He always told us, “I am not afraid of people at least I see them not like witches.” He was sincere and true to his profession. So that when he retired from the job, he couldn’t just stay inside the house and watched. He wanted to serve the people. He really has a heart to his fellowman. So that when he runs in the local election, he won two times as a Barrio Chairman and once as first Barrio Councilor. That time I concluded that he was being loved by the people because he was voted by the majority of them in our place. He could no longer speak during the time when he was a councilor. So when the next election came we advised him to just support the local government without running in the office anymore. As we felt, it was already hard for him to handle things. So that he devoted his remaining years in serving the church instead. He was inside the church at 4 am when he got his second heart attack last December 17, 2008. After the doctor told us that he was only given 4 days to survived, he was then transferred back to the ICU. The first 4 days were crucial. We hardly even spoke, because for sure the tears would ran down our face. But we were determined; we have to let Papa feel that he was being loved even for the last time. We were there holding his hand 24 hours a day, yes that’s true, we were having time shifting that even his grandchildren were there. With prayers from us and his friends, he surpassed the 4th day. But then after more than a week, he got a hospital acquired infection. The first and second bacteria that infected him have been treated. He was given the highest kind of drug for the last bacteria which is klebseilla. Until the sputum culture result came that he was resistant to the drug. The pulmonary doctor said there’s no higher drug she could give my father. She said it’s up for us if we still let him stay in the hospital or just bring him home. Honestly, though sometimes we could think of some negligence in the part of the nurses why my father got this infection and stroke but never did we took it against them because we know that there were reasons why God allowed these things to happen. Perhaps, He just made each one an instrument for His ultimate plan. In our part, we tried everything we can. We were more than willing to give my father what he needed even if it made us end up in lending companies and borrowed money from our friends. We were determined that he would survived this situation. But still we prayed to God that if He would really take him, at least after Christmas and New Year. Indeed, we had a very memorable Christmas and New Year ever. For the first time it brought my family into a get together not only 2 days as we usually have but the whole Christmas season. We thanked God for it. But then we had mistaken in our prayers because we forgot the Valentines Day. So that on February 4, 2009. He had his last heart attacked. It was more painful than the second attack yet we decided to let him go. We no longer asked God for him to survive for more days if it would only caused him more pain. The good thing was he never let us anymore watched him struggled for breath. He just went flat line and was pronounced dead at 5:15 am on February 5, 2009 after several tries to revive him. It was painful but yet we found a relief in the sense that we would no longer see him cry and gnaws in pain while suctioning his tracheostomy tube. We would no longer see him suffering from emotional pain knowing he can not talk and move his left body. And a relief that God had finally taken him back to His loving care. I knew that by the moment he died, he had already cleansed himself. With our prayers and all the people who prayed for Him, I believed that God was with Him when he left us. So how about our Valentines Day? Well, we were there in his grave, still all of us. There was no one missing, we’re still united in “love”.

As I write this, I can’t help but cry. I just miss my Papa. But I know God had taken him with Him in heaven. I thank God for giving us the chance to take care of my father for almost 2 months. It was worth a lifetime. The memories will always be remembered. The very memorable one was the times when he farts so loud and he would laugh at it until he almost cried.

To Papa: We thank you for everything. We love you. We will miss you. We will pray for you always. Don’t worry about us. God is so good He will take care of us.

To my Papa’s colleagues, friends, family, relatives and all the people who in one way or another have shared their expertise, time, financial capability, prayers during Papa’s hospitalization and wake: In behalf of my family we thank you for all your support. We will always remember that without your help, we can’t do it all alone. May God bless you more!

Thanks to my daughters Nicole and Nikka for helping me choose the title of this blog!

Should we give no matter what?

We were driving along Recto St. and when the car pulled to a stop a group of native people dressed in a dirty old clothes approached us and each and every cars on the street to asked for alms. With them were little children and sometimes infants. I didn't know how they survived the heat of the sun. I was always hesitant if I met these people. Should I give them some penny or not? The question kept battling on my mind.
The Parish Priest had said in one of his sermon, " We must help other people especially the least of our brothers and sisters because it can make the Lord happy." While I was reminiscing my childhood days, I remembered my mother telling me to be helpful all the time. My grade school teachers too stressed that being generous was one of God's virtue therefore we should follow. But for government authorities, giving alms to beggars on streets is a "no" "no". Because it can result to more traffic and possible accidents. Therefore, beggars and the one who give will be arrested.
But, supposedly we are allowed to give them alms. How would we know the money we gave them will be used in the right way. I've heard a lot of story about beggars who just asked for the sake of their vices. Some used it to buy alcohol, some for drugs, some for gambling. We can never tell. But whether they used it in the right way or not, do we have the right to ignore them in the eyes of our God? Do we need to know the reason behind their begging before we decide to give or not to give them? What do you think?


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Classifying people

How would you classify a person from the rest of the world? Is it through his color, race, religion, fashion, achievements, financial status or his educational attainment? In our modern world today, we can not deny the fact that we are so concern with the way other people think about us. When in fact, we shouldn't if we just do the right things in life.

My two daughters are into a private school. But whether private or not it is not my concern. What's important for me is the way the children behaves when they are out of school and how they deal with other kids around.

I just notice some students who believe that going into an exclusive and private schools is an "in". So that if you study in a public and not so known school you are "out of style and class". Perhaps, this is true. While some others are hanging on a tiny rope of hope, taking each day as a chance to survive, others are blessed with everything they needed. This is not wrong because born from a well to do family isn't a mistake of some kids. The problem today is that whether they have learn the basics of life and how they deal with other people. I believe that children are sent to school to learn how to be ready to face the world, especially in this progressive and changing world. But I also believe that what's important is the way they deal with other people. But why are some others tend to be arrogant and rude while wearing a uniform of a religious and exclusive school. Is it just a front? While some desires to wear at least a new pair of uniform, here's the arrogant one bullying a classmate, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, insulting a child from a public school while wearing his university ID and uniform.
So that it makes me wonder? Is it necessary to classify the people around us and treat them according to their classification or are we just going to treat them fairly no matter what his position in life? For me, what is important is the heart of the person. It is useless for an educated man if he owns the world but got a bad attitude. For it is not the University name that matters, but the virtue the University teaches the child.

Flowers

Flowers oh flowers you make me feel glad. How I wish I am a flower which grows free, colorful and wild. I wonder what a butterfly feels when they touch the petals of the flowers? The bees that keeps on buzzing, smelling the fragrance. I wonder what a girl feels when given by a guy. The church that is filled with flowers on a wedding day. A garden full of different kinds. Perhaps, the world lacks its beauty without flowers. Thanks God He made flowers!

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The hardest job on earth

There seemed to be a truth with the phrase" the hardest job on earth is being a mother and a housewife". Yet, I haven't really believed it until I experienced it myself. My 2 children grew up with their babysitters because 2 months after I delivered them I was back to work again. My mind was set on providing the kids with the things they needed materially. I didn't realized they needed my attention and care more than the milk, dresses, toys and food I have provided them.(Of course with the help of my hubby). Yet my older daughter reached 10 years old and the younger 8 years old when I finally realized it. So I made myself a full time housewife, mother to my kids and a house keeper..no house helpers, no house maids, no one at all. It was not easy at first. Honestly, it's very tiring. Doing the routine household chores made me bored as if my mind was no longer working. Taking care of the kids before going to school. Preparing the things they needed. Helping them with their assignments..and making their projects?(Oh I believed there's something wrong with this) But even so I did all these. There were times when I felt irritated with the routines of everything. But the challenge for me came when dealing with the kids and hubby's tantrums(???), misbehavior at times.Truly, it really made me more patient, stronger, prayerful and considerate. I realized my children, my hubby are equally unique individuals with different views and desires. So I needed to adjust to everyone of them. But the happiness that I got by taking care of them myself, providing them with the things they needed and the time being with them were priceless treasure.
I know someday I will work again as a Registered Nurse. At least I have experienced being a mother and a full time housewife. It made me believed it is the hardest job on earth. But I will never regret it all my life.

Happy mothers day to all moms!

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How would someone know?

How would I know if you wouldn't tell me? How would you know if you wouldn't listen? These are the questions that needs to be given attention and often are just taken for granted. True, sometimes you just don't realized that a wonderful relationship just ended without you knowing the reason. How would you know if nobody dares to ask? How would the other know if you wouldn't opened up? Life is not permanent. Sometimes it's short. We often take life for granted and the relationships that we have. I hope you wouldn't regret the times not spent wisely and the words that haven't said. It just take a part of your time. It just take a single step to approach someone. It just take a serious look and say the words you want to impart. It just an ego, a mans pride that's driving us to curl up and just leave the words unsaid. Perhaps, you wouldn't agree with me. But I guess its better to know the truth and be hurt than hurting yourself without even knowing the truth.

The Author

I was wondering what to write. I'm new in here. I suppose everyone here is an expert in making blog. Let me begin with a cheerful greetings to one and all. I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend. That's me. Most of the people who don't know me yet would judge me as stubborn. But honestly I am at times. I am moody. I have a typical Gemini attributes. I am sociable. I am fond of making friends. Yet I easily get annoyed and bored. I am a true friend. I can be real if you want to. I speak what I want if I think I am right. I love music. I don't know what it's like if there's no music. I'm an avid fan of love story movies. It makes me more in love and feeling young. I love to travel. Yet financial problems hinder me to travel much. I am a nature lover. I easily get in love with every little beauty I see the world has to offer. Even the smallest creature that God has made. I am a book worm. I read whatever is available. Everywhere I go I bring with me a piece of book. I read them whenever I get time. I like meeting new friends. I made it a hobby for years. Friends? I have a millions of them. Yet only few are real. I am not perfect. I know that you can not please everybody. I am a fighter. Yet most of my friends don't know I am a crying babe. I can't get angry and express myself if I don't cry. That way I can get my self vindicated. But most of all I am a great believer of God. I believe in God so much. He is my source of hope, love, strength and wisdom. I don't know what life is like if there's no God.

I love God. I love my family. I treasure friends. And I pray for my enemies...God bless everyone!

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